Friday, August 2, 2013

Gathering no moss

A whole lot has been going on since I last wrote here.  I've mostly been super busy, and also rather more social than normal, which has sort of made me not blog anywhere.  Not here, or on my more "public" blog or other online presences. 

This summer I've been working at a living history museum, and for the first time ever have been totally open with all my co-workers and friends about both my fundy past and being (mostly) gay.  And you know what?  It's actually been pretty great.  It's such a relief to not always have a filter up and not pretend to be anything other than myself.  This has been quite handy over the summer, as I've actually been actively dating for the first time in more than a year.  (No girlfriend or anything, but it's nice to not feel overwhelmingly single.)  And to be honest, if it wasn't for the time I spent in Germany this spring I don't think I'd have been brave enough to give being honest a go.    

And speaking of Germany, I miss being there so much it hurts.  I'm sure if I stayed there long term I'd discover things I disliked or hated, but no place is perfect and some just fit much better than others.  And I've yet to find anywhere here in the States that actually fits me half as well as Germany or even the UK do.

Which brings me to another development.  Come September I'll be leaving America for the next couple years!  I've been accepted to a masters programme at the University of Edinburgh, and will be transplanting myself to Scotland in the fall!  It's all quite exciting and a little bit scary... mostly because I'm still waiting on paperwork so that I can travel and matriculate into the school. 

So yeah.  Sorry this ended up pretty rambly... but sometimes that's all that comes out onto the page.  Hopefully I'll be able to focus and write some posts with a bit more plot or structure in the future, but I often find that when life is going well I don't really have a terribly strong urge to blog about feelings and the past and whatnot.  And for the most part, these last few months have been going rather well indeed.

Knock on wood.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Playing the part

It's been a little while since I last posted, and I'm writing now from an entirely different continent than last time.  Long story short: I have incurable wanderlust, and spent most of the winter plotting a grand escape in between short trips (I got to go to Disneyworld for the first time in my life!  It was ridiculously fun.) and now I'm in Berlin for a couple months!

It's almost strange how comfortable I feel here... and I'm sure a great part of that is the general demographic and street style.  I've never felt less judged when walking down the street.  I don't feel like I need to play a part or dress up or down, and if I'm wearing something not totally "normal"... well, I don't think there really is such as thing as 'totally normal' in Berlin.  And it is such a relief not to have to make small-talk with strangers and people in shops.

There have been great posts by other people about how growing up in an enclosed environment (like fundy homeschooling) and then going out into the world can be a lot like moving to a different country as an adult, and I think there's a whole lot of truth to that.  I'm already used to feeling like a stranger in my own country, and in a way, I don't think I understand the US much more than I understand Germany.  But on the flip side, I think it makes spending time in other cultures and countries a little bit easier.  I already know how to closely observe mannerisms and behaviors to be able to imitate them well, how to pattern my speech after what I hear, and how to consciously adapt myself to the world around me.

I think it's probably due to all the practice I got imitating my peers during college that I've managed to avoid the dreaded 'English-switch' while here.  I had heard story after story about Americans coming to Germany/Berlin and doing their best to use German everywhere only to be constantly responded to in English instead.  Now, my German is far from perfect (taking classes at a B2 level right now and feeling very non-fluent at the mo), yet I've only had one instance of someone switching to English half-way through our transaction, while there have been numerous times where I've been chatting to friends in English and the server/cashier/bartender will use German with me and English with my friends.  I know this can't be because of my language skills, and can only deduce that I don't 'act' American.

I suppose once you've learned to mimic one culture, it's much easier to go about faking it elsewhere...